I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
