making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
