the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
