did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
