do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
false alarm. still invincible.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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