oh god the rape fog is back!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
As shirtless as possible
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
