she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
