hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
