You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
