dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
