I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
