there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
