4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
