Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
