i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
