Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
