He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
