I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
