Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
