She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
