Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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