If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
