I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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