i permit you to call me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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