Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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