I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
