my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
