I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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