Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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