We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
