she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
