I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
