Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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