just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
