I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
