It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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