it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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