does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
