I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
