I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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