he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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