it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
