Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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