He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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