her vagine was all disorganized.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
