I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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