I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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