I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
