somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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