i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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