you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
