You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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